I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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