the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
