If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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