Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
