apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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