we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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