Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
