She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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