happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
