It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
