when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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