walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
