Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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