@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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