I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
