It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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