just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
