i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
her vagine was all disorganized.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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