that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
