I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
