i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize