I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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