Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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