Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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