I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
