So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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