3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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