I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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