wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
