ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
