Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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