My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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