Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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