Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
