okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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