i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
