I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
