Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
