Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
