I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
