whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We need to rekindle our bromance
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
