there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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