I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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