I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
