guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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