I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
