Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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