I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
