So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.