apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.