i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.