Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.