Me. At least after what I've been through.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
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There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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