I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.