At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
