So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
