i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
