please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
