I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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