dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
