you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
