It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
