$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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