Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Found the puke drawer
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
