She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
