Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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