we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
