i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize