you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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