did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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