Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
