I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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