I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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