just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My bed smells like the plague
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
