quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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