so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
