my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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