I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
