make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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