Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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