I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
