Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
