i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
false alarm, still single
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