I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just tell him i said nine months
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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