I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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